I'm Here!
Wow, it has been over a month since my last post. I feel like a broken record all summer apologizing for my infrequent posts. I have been going through so much personally and have not wanted to deal with any of it. I have been so depressed all summer which has yet to lift at all, the heat has been lingering in Florida and I have avoided setting up an appointment with a neuro-psychologist which is a major step for me towards feeling better since he or she can put me on antidepressant and do further testing to find out why I am having sporadic auditory processing difficulties, brain fog, etc. I am also having major issues seeing eye to eye with my rheumatologist and know I need to find another doctor who I have more confidence in. For me, this is like breaking up with a boyfriend and I have been waffling about this for a while as the issues continue to grow proving to me that I have no choice. I need to start researching rheumatologists to make a change. I also continue to be conflicted on whether to start MTX and just can't decide what is best for me: coping with the pain - by any means possible - basically pain pills, ibuprofen occasionally, and plaquenil which helps but not nearly as much as it did 5 years ago when I was first diagnosed. For now I am combining plaquenil with atabrine, another antimalarial that they discontinued making commercially once plaquenil was released because atabrine has a tendency to cause people to turn yellow or jaundiced looking from normal everyday use of the medicine. But would I rather be yellow and stay on the mildest form of medicine to treat lupus or go on MTX with the risks connected to it? I know many lupies are on MTX and I know it has saved some people's lives and significantly improved quality of life for most lupies who take it. I am not knocking it as an effective treatment for lupus but just questioning whether it is right for me or is it better to struggle through the pain and wait for Benlysta to hopefully be approved late 2010. It is tough day after day waking up in pain, going to sleep in pain and usually waking up in the middle of the night due to the pain and then not be able to go to sleep for at least an hour until the pain meds sufficiently kick in. It is physically and emotionally draining to go through this day after day. Hopefully the atabrine will work.
And, in the meantime, there has been so much lupus news that I neglected to share. So I am determined to catch you up on any important news but there might not be many personal posts for a while until I work out some of these issues and get out of this funk. When I get depressed, I alienate myself from others and hibernate. I don't want to be around anyone and I feel like I have nothing to contribute and worry I will bring others down.
Thanks again for the fantastic comments
It makes me so happy to read them every day and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate all of the support. You don't know how much it means to me to have a creative outlet and know that it touches your lives.
xoxo
Lupus Celebrity
And, in the meantime, there has been so much lupus news that I neglected to share. So I am determined to catch you up on any important news but there might not be many personal posts for a while until I work out some of these issues and get out of this funk. When I get depressed, I alienate myself from others and hibernate. I don't want to be around anyone and I feel like I have nothing to contribute and worry I will bring others down.
Thanks again for the fantastic comments
It makes me so happy to read them every day and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate all of the support. You don't know how much it means to me to have a creative outlet and know that it touches your lives. xoxo
Lupus Celebrity
Posted by lupuscelebrity at 9/9/2010 5:28 AM 
Categories: depression. mtx, lupus sle, atabrine, Lupus, plaquenil
Tags: depression lupus sle systemic lupus lupus plaquenil atabrine mtx methotexrate benlysta rheumatologist
Categories: depression. mtx, lupus sle, atabrine, Lupus, plaquenil
Tags: depression lupus sle systemic lupus lupus plaquenil atabrine mtx methotexrate benlysta rheumatologist
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