I Can't Hear You!
I can't believe how long it has been since my last personal post. I have been struggling with depression and coping with my regular summer flares triggered by minimal amount of time when I cannot avoid going out in the sun and heat, even with SPF and protective clothing on. A lot of my depression stems from the summer; I don't want to be a hermit again and I know reality is I have no choice. Anytime from 10 - 6 in sunny Florida, if I am outside, I am miserable. The sun on my skin feels like my body is being poisoned from the outside in. When I was on steroids, my malar rash was almost gone. Now it is back with a vengeance. Besides my malar rash, I have circular rashes along my jaw and rashes on my upper arms, forearms, and stomach (which is NEVER exposed to the sun). I also had an allergic reaction to a sunless tanner I tried that I thought might make me feel a little better and instead I ended up with hives and was itchy all over for 2 weeks. Here I thought it might brighten my mood to be less pale and instead I ended up more depressed from an itch that could not be satisfied.
The depression has been really tough and is the worst I remember ever having. I need to get on a new antidepressant but since the ones my GP have proscribed have not worked, I am going to see a neuro psychiatrist to see what he or she would recommend. The other reason I have to see a neuro psychiatrist is because I have had the strangest thing happening to me. I will be talking to someone or watching TV and I can see the person's lips moving but cannot hear anything they are saying. It happened 2 times at my doctor's appointment yesterday. It was so mortifying having to tell my doctor twice within about a half an hour that I could not hear anything he was saying. I tried so hard and was so scared I could not control my brain. My doctor seems to think it is a panic attack from the stress I am under but I am not sure. I am stressed right now but not as much as I have been before and nothing like this has ever happened to me. I looked up a condition called Auditory Processing Disorder which sounds a lot like what I have been experiencing. The only difference is it happens when I am reading too. It is so frustrating, I can read each word but my brain cannot string it together to form a sentence I can comprehend. Instead I just read the words but they have no meaning since I cannot understand all the words together. Anyone out there ever experience this? The convenient part is that a neuro psychologist would diagnose and treat me for any auditory issues so I can take care of the depression and what is causing my processing problems at the same time. If anyone suffers from anything similar, please comment and let me know. I am very upset, frustrated and scared and it would be nice to hear from others who had similar problems.
Speaking of comments, your comments have been so great. When I am at my deepest depression, I hide out and don't speak to anyone. When I received comments during this time, it cheered me up so much. I have wanted for so long to post but between having both boys home for summer vacation and being so bone dead tired by the time they go to sleep that I fall asleep right after them. So thank you for all of your encouragement and for continuing to visit this site whether I post every day, every week or even not for 3 weeks. Your support means so much to me and without your feedback, I would have quit doing this a while ago. You are the best and thank you for keeping me going.
xoxo
Lupus Celebrity
The depression has been really tough and is the worst I remember ever having. I need to get on a new antidepressant but since the ones my GP have proscribed have not worked, I am going to see a neuro psychiatrist to see what he or she would recommend. The other reason I have to see a neuro psychiatrist is because I have had the strangest thing happening to me. I will be talking to someone or watching TV and I can see the person's lips moving but cannot hear anything they are saying. It happened 2 times at my doctor's appointment yesterday. It was so mortifying having to tell my doctor twice within about a half an hour that I could not hear anything he was saying. I tried so hard and was so scared I could not control my brain. My doctor seems to think it is a panic attack from the stress I am under but I am not sure. I am stressed right now but not as much as I have been before and nothing like this has ever happened to me. I looked up a condition called Auditory Processing Disorder which sounds a lot like what I have been experiencing. The only difference is it happens when I am reading too. It is so frustrating, I can read each word but my brain cannot string it together to form a sentence I can comprehend. Instead I just read the words but they have no meaning since I cannot understand all the words together. Anyone out there ever experience this? The convenient part is that a neuro psychologist would diagnose and treat me for any auditory issues so I can take care of the depression and what is causing my processing problems at the same time. If anyone suffers from anything similar, please comment and let me know. I am very upset, frustrated and scared and it would be nice to hear from others who had similar problems.
Speaking of comments, your comments have been so great. When I am at my deepest depression, I hide out and don't speak to anyone. When I received comments during this time, it cheered me up so much. I have wanted for so long to post but between having both boys home for summer vacation and being so bone dead tired by the time they go to sleep that I fall asleep right after them. So thank you for all of your encouragement and for continuing to visit this site whether I post every day, every week or even not for 3 weeks. Your support means so much to me and without your feedback, I would have quit doing this a while ago. You are the best and thank you for keeping me going.
xoxo
Lupus Celebrity
Posted by lupuscelebrity at 7/2/2010 1:26 AM 
Categories: depression, lupus, sun sensitivity, malar rash
Tags: depression auditory processing disorder reading comprehension. lupus sun flares sle panic attscks sun sensitivity malar rash
Categories: depression, lupus, sun sensitivity, malar rash
Tags: depression auditory processing disorder reading comprehension. lupus sun flares sle panic attscks sun sensitivity malar rash
Why should I live?
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